🧳 The Top 4 Things You Must Bring to College — Self-Advocacy for Success

You packed the XL twin sheets, the shower caddy, and the noise-canceling headphones...
But what about the life skill that will truly set your kid up for success in college?

👉 If you missed Part 1 of this series—on the real reason time management is one of the most important things a student brings to college—go read it here. Trust me, it’s a must-read if you want your teen to avoid a freshman-year burnout.

Now, let’s dive in.

Over these four weeks, we’re uncovering the non-academic essentials your teen needs to thrive in college. These are the skills they won’t find in textbooks but will make all the difference in whether they sink, swim, or soar during their college years.

This week: Self-Advocacy.

The Hard Truth About Self-Advocacy:

If They Can’t Speak Up, They Won’t Get Far

Here’s the reality check:
College is an environment where students are expected to be their own advocates. Sure, high school might’ve had a safety net where you, their teachers, and counselors were constantly in the loop—answering emails, making appointments, giving extensions and extra credit, even stepping in when things weren’t going right.

But in college?

It’s on them. Completely.

If your teen doesn’t know how to speak up, ask for what they need, and handle their own problems, they’re going to run into major roadblocks—fast. These aren’t just minor inconveniences. These are the situations that can lead to spiraling academic failure, missed opportunities, or emotional burnout.

What Happens When They Don’t Know How to Advocate for Themselves?

Here are a couple of stories I’ve witnessed firsthand:

Case #1: The Quiet Freshman Who Fell Through the Cracks

I worked with a young man who reached out halfway through his freshman year—after his first round of grades came in and shocked everyone, including his parents.

The issue wasn’t that he couldn’t handle the coursework. He could.
The problem? He never asked for the help he needed in two of his most demanding classes.

He was too embarrassed to approach his professors.
He didn’t know how to access tutoring or ask for accommodations.
And by the time he landed in my inbox, he was on the brink of failing—and barely holding it together emotionally.

This wasn’t a matter of intelligence. It was fear of judgment, plain and simple.

His lack of self-advocacy nearly cost him his entire college future.

Case #2: The Student Who Never Got What She Needed

Another student I worked with entered college assuming help would just... appear.

She believed that if she needed something, someone would notice and step in.
She struggled with her course schedule but didn’t know how to speak to her advisor.
She needed help navigating financial aid but avoided the office because she didn’t know what to say.

So, she waited.
And waited.

But no one came. And nothing changed.

Her confusion turned to frustration. That frustration turned into anxiety. And eventually, she convinced herself she didn’t belong in college at all.

Her parents called me just as they were considering transferring her to a different school—hoping that a change of scenery would solve everything.
But it wasn’t the college that was the problem.
It was the missing skill. She didn’t need a new campus. She needed self-advocacy.

Without it, the same problems would follow her wherever she went.

When a Young Adult Can’t Advocate for Themselves, Here’s What Starts to Crumble:

• Self-esteem plummets

• Stress skyrockets

• Burnout creeps in

• Mental health declines

• They feel invisible

Self-advocacy isn’t a “nice-to-have.” It’s a lifeline.
These outcomes don’t just make a college experience harder, they can knock it off track completely.

Self-Advocacy Isn’t Just About Speaking Up.

It’s About Knowing What to Ask For—and When.

So, what exactly does self-advocacy look like in the real world of college life? Let’s break it down:

✅ 1️⃣ Navigating College Resources:
A student who knows how to reach out to the writing center for help with papers, or who schedules time with their professor during office hours, will never feel truly stuck in a class.

A student who knows they can email the student health center when they’re feeling anxious, and not wait until they’re overwhelmed, will keep their mental health in check.

✅ 2️⃣ Standing Up for Their Rights:
If a student has a learning difference, a student who knows how to ask for accommodations before midterms can thrive, rather than feel like they’re just trying to catch up.
A student who knows how to request extensions for assignments when they’re going through a personal challenge (rather than letting their grades tank) is setting themselves up for success.

✅ 3️⃣ Handling Conflict Directly:
A student who knows how to communicate with roommates or RA’s about conflicts or issues is much less likely to be caught in a toxic living situation that drags down their emotional well-being.

✅ 4️⃣ Owning Their Mental Health:
A student who reaches out to counseling services before their stress levels reach crisis mode is one who’s taking charge of their emotional health.

✅ 5️⃣ Self-advocacy isn’t just about speaking up—it’s about taking responsibility for their own success and well-being. It’s about navigating challenges head-on, without waiting for others to come to their rescue.

How You Can Help Them Build This Skill Now

As a parent, you might feel tempted to jump in and “fix” problems for your kid. I get it—your instincts are to protect them. But here’s the truth:
The more you step in, the more you rob them of the chance to learn how to navigate life on their own.

Here’s how you can start coaching them in self-advocacy today:

🔹 Let them handle their own communication.
Have them email professors or reach out to support services directly. At first, you can offer guidance, but let them draft the emails, find the right contacts, and send them.

🔹 Teach them how to ask questions, not just take answers.
Encourage them to ask for clarification when they’re unsure about something. Whether it’s a confusing grade or a problem with a classmate, help them understand how to find the right solution by asking the right questions.

🔹 Hold them accountable.
Don’t let them avoid the tough conversations. If they’re not taking charge of their responsibilities, it’s okay to gently push them to do so—while staying in the background. They’ll be grateful later.

🔹 Make mistakes part of the process.
Mistakes are inevitable. But when they fail to advocate for themselves, it’s important to turn it into a teaching moment, not a “I told you so” moment. Empower them to learn from it and move forward stronger.

How the Summer of Success Program Helps

Self-advocacy is a skill we intentionally develop in the Summer of Success program—and it’s one of the most powerful components for our young adults. The impact we’ve seen from past alumni who’ve mastered self-advocacy is truly life-changing.

Inside the program, we:

✅ Walk them through real-life practice scenarios—like asking a professor for help or requesting an extension—so they build confidence speaking up.
✅ Teach them how to set and communicate boundaries, both in and out of the classroom—a skill that protects their time, energy, and mental health.
✅ Empower them to practice self-advocacy in daily life, then bring those moments back for reflection and feedback—because that’s how real growth sticks.

Our alumni leave with a confidence in their voice that lasts long beyond summer—and sets them up for a successful, self-reliant college experience.

👉 Want to see how we can help your teen develop self-advocacy and other essential skills this summer?
Let’s talk about whether the Summer of Success is the right fit. 

Book your free Discovery Call here.

With love,
Alexandra Holt, Life Strategist for Young Adults